For the first time I’m sitting in my living room in a strange but quiet mental place, despite the endless drone of a thousand vtech toys. I no longer have that sharp ringing in my ears, the light spots in my vision are history and I am no longer dreading the next four months of my life.
I chose to quit the last term of my PGCE. I know, that’s mad, crazy – what a waste! blah blah blah. I could have stuck it out and near killed myself with exhaustion, not been there for my daughter or my fiance but I just couldn’t do it. I have spent the last two months fighting to finish something that I have totally fallen out of love with. After the deceptive campaign that states childcare will be covered, I learnt that I’d have to fund full time childcare myself. I wasn’t allowed to go part time so my daughter would have to go from being totally in my care to nursery for five full days a week and I had to fight to get any financial help. All just to cover my basic costs. At one point I was actually told that I would have to make a choice between my daughter and the course and so I chose my daughter. I even had to get my MP involved, and I am truly grateful for his help. It doesn’t take Einstein to know that there is a massive shortage of teachers in the UK. You would think that they would want to make the prospect of training to teach attractive to students (which they do with the bursaries for secondary) but if you’re a primary student with children then you are faced with a ‘choice’. It’s a hypocritical system where you are taught of the importance of close contact with your children yet you don’t have time to practice it. If you are a believer in the theories of childhood studies like me then there is no hope for you as an ‘outstanding’ practitioner.
I decided a while back that I didn’t want to do my NQT year next year and I have been pushing it back a little further everyday since. I love teaching children but for me the spell has worn off. After a morning of calls and emails to various departments I sit here a stone lighter without the weight of the course on my shoulders and so much happier. I don’t know what the future will bring but I guess I’ll just have to go with whatever it throws at me