My Big Fat Freak out

My Big Fat Freak out

1 year ago today:

I stumbled down the high street under the spring sun. Making my way to the co op to get milk for the hellish heartburn I was experiencing, I more or less wiggled my way there. I couldn’t see over my huge baby bump. It was that ‘bump’ that I would find out a week and a half later weighed only a mere 5lbs.
This day last year was my due date and at the time I was convinced whole-heartedly that I would give birth on that very date. To my dismay, I went on to 41+3 weeks pregnant.
Today I am sitting here with my former ‘bundle’. I’m saying it like that because she now has a complete mind of her own and can outrun me and my fiancé hands down. We are exhausted. I remember clearly the doctors putting her on my chest and feeling a huge sense of relief. We’ve both come so far from those early days and so much has changed but I can still see traces of that teeny tiny newborn in my almost one year old.

I am now finding myself freaking out. The crazy has definitely upped itself with the imminence of my daughter’s birthday. I have turned into a birthday-bridezilla. I want everything to be perfect for my Baby on her special day, despite the fact that she will never appreciate not remember it. Oh well!

I’ve been scrolling through cute little baby dresses, from cutesey little sun dresses to extravagant christening dresses and then I really had to stop when it got to the bridesmaid dresses. I’m sure my little one wouldn’t care less if I put her in a potato sack but potato sacks aren’t pretty. Then I thought- maybe I should wear something matching! How very ’50s, and it could be sort of ironic but totally serious at the same time. But then I thought of myself on the day in a frilly pink dress with flamingo shade eyeshadow and fifty shades of bats*** crazy and I thought twice…

Maybe I’m not cut out for being that sort of mum. But again, despite her never being able to remember this birthday I still want it to be special. It’s been a rollercoaster of a year yet the best one of my life hands down. There’s been tears, tantrums, tribulations but mainly fits of laughter and big smiles. I will never get back this year of being a first time parent again and it’s time to celebrate it all.

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