Well hello there. Yes, it’s been a long time. Yes, I know you know that I haven’t had anything better to do so I don’t have an excuse…well I’m here now aren’t I?
It’s been a long and tumultuous few months. I could bore you with going through all the highs and lows in detail but I will burden you with that another time. For now here are some highlights: crying in the middle of a muddy ditch with my toddler daughter, crying because I miss Southend Road Tesco’s, crying because I ran out of snacks, crying because I didn’t get my own way. You get the general picture. There have been some good times too. Lockdown failed to ruin my daughter’s 2nd birthday, despite being at home we haven’t gained much weight and I am not clinically insane yet. Lockdown has also given me time to discover new things- good and bad.
In this post I will run you through some of the cool and not so cool things I have discovered during lockdown. DISCLAIMER ALERT* this is a blog post written in lockdown- limit your expectations and don’t expect too much excitement.
1. The Hinch Army
In all fairness, I have known and been following Mrs Hinch and her Hinching trend and its many Facebook groups for a long time now, but lockdown really enhanced the effort I put into all of this. With more time at home unfortunately comes more time to stare at your crumby carpets and dusty skirting boards. The need to clean incessantly during lockdown hit me HARD and I have definitely saved my landlord no money at all through all my dodgy DIY home improvements. I have all the cult classics such as the Pink Stuff and Elbow Grease and more funky stuff like laminate wax crayons and grout marker pens. My daughter has also made friends with the hoovers which is a bit jarring.
2. Overseas Zumba influencers
Again, Zumba is not a new interest of mine but lockdown has turned my ‘workout’ attention to an exclusively male, Filipino dance crew who seem to have the clout of BTS and the wardrobe of every TikToker ever. I have been following their YouTube workouts religiously, dancing to all the latest Reggaeton hits only to find out the English translation and end up crying in the shower that very evening. But on a serious note, I owe any fitness I have to them. It can all be a bit cringe but their enthusiasm for dance is something I haven’t yet witnessed in this part of the globe. I’m not sure what they’d make of a heavily pregnant woman desperately trying to keep up with their clean-cut dance moves however.
3. Perfect parenting pros
So another thing I discovered in depth was the big wide
world abyss that is professional parenting. Owing to my daughter’s sudden onset of explosive tantrums, I decided to take to Jo Frost’s ‘toddler rules’ series. In all fairness, I cannot fault Jo for her methods, though I found that introducing them into our life wasn’t as clinical as they make it out to be on Supernanny. For example, what to do when your daughter finds the ‘naughty spot’ hilarious and a great place to be.I also followed a handful of influencers- who seem to live in an almost Olympia like world in which immaculately clean homes and children peacefully co exist, and baby weight is a farce. The most invaluable thing I probably embarked on was a Level 4 Child Psychology course which helped me not only to understand my daughter better, but also why I went for teaching in the first place. It’s great to see some of the apparent glitz and glam that accompanies Instagram parenting, and black and white methods but understanding how a child’s brain works has really been fascinating.
4. Not going out turns you into an psycho
I’m going to apologise, because this could just be me. But for a long time the ‘Stay at home’ message hit home too hard for me and I decided to forgo going outside altogether. This inevitable decreased any risks to do with the virus, but I’m honestly not sure that it was even worth it. At one point I struggled to open the windows and anything that came into the flat had to be heavily disinfected to an inch of its life. All of this had me obsessing over accidentally touching ‘outside’ things in case the disinfectant didn’t touch any part that I was touching. All of this came crashing down at a scheduled Antenatal appointment in which I was suddenly prodded by health professionals after 2 months of no contact.
So yeah, that was me in a not-so-small nutshell. I guess I also rediscovered that pregnancy sucks and that being heavily pregnant with a toddler who loves to kick can be sometimes problematic. But another time.